The 3rd Side

Honesty seems so simple.  Tell the truth no matter what.  Stand up for what you believe.  Tell your friend her hair cut is awful, even if she won't speak to you for a month.  Simple, yet, society has created a few rules and restrictions on how and when to be honest.  Saints though we may be, all of us have fallen victim to "sparing feelings", placing blame, leaving out details (or not saying anything at all), and/or straight out lying.

Yes, innocent, perfect me is guilty of all of the above.  And no, I can't say that with a straight face   So when do you fudge just a little?  When is a lie better than honesty?  It's all matter of what the situation and your morals dictate.  I've admired some people that are blunt and often considered cold due to their ability to hold firm to the truth.  I've seen those same people lose friends and even jobs over this ability.  Does this bother them?  No.  They were honest.  Granted, they should not have been prosecuted for their actions, but this is something they have learned to expect and accept it as a necessary evil.  Besides, weren't we all taught at some point that we should be ourselves?  If others cannot accept us for who we are, then they're not really our friends anyway, right?  Still, this is a major cause for concern from most people.  I guess acceptance plays one of the largest roles in the honesty dilema. 

When confronted with a question about a new hairstyle or even an opinion of a new book or show, should you just agree with the person or express your opinion?  If the hairstyle is horrible, then tell the person.  Be blunt, but be nice.  There is a fine line between hurtful honesty and simple truth.  Delivery is everything.  For instance, tell the person you don't think the style really suits them, then provide an explanation as to why or even an alternative style for next time.  This tells them that you are paying attention and respect them enough to tell the truth.  Often times in a large group, we tend to go with whatever opinion is most popular.  This is how we get into certain cliques.  But what is life without a little diversity?  Great, we all agree this show is cool and the main character shouldn't have kissed so and so's girlfriend.  Now what?  That's when you pipe up with your differing opinion and start a discussion, not a mindless nod and smile.  This may outcast you, but others may then follow suit and suddenly you have your own clique. 

I really don't think I need to go into much detail on lying.  For whatever reason, you decided it was better to take the long route.  Good for you.  Just remember the story when you have to tell it later.  Sometimes lies let you avoid an awkward situation.  In my case, I hate telling people no or hurting their feelings.  When someone asks for my number, I try to tell them I'm taken or not interested, but if they persist, I give them a fake number.  This gets them off my case, ends the encounter, and gives them a not so subtle hint to back off.  Is it necessarily right?  No.  But society has said these little white lies are perfectly fine.  Just use you best judgement.

Placing blame and leaving out certain details are probably the easiest ways to avoid the truth.  The problem with placing blame is that you end up hurting yourself.  The person you burden will no longer be there when you need them or they might even rat you out.  Think about who's word will be believed.  Contrary to popular belief, admitting fault lets those around know that you're responsible, mature, and have learned from your mistake.  I often leave out details to spare feelings or to keep from telling a straight out lie.  Teenagers normally perfect this method when dating or hanging out with friends.  Say you went to your friends house for a few minutes, then the two of you left to go to a party you'd been forbidden to go to.  When you get home, you simply forget to mention the party and talk about being at the friend's house.  You've left out a huge chunk of your night, but you're not techically lying either.

Society has taught us all these things and more.  But even though society says it's ok, that doesn't mean you have to do it.  In watching other people, I've noticed these traits in myself.  I can't say I'm too proud of them, but I am trying to change.  Think over how you react to conflict, awkward situations, being put on the spot, and any other times when your morals are threatened.  Remember that the only rule is to be honest.  How you do it is up to you.  In the long run, it's always easier.  For us simple minded people, it's just one less thing to keep up with. 

In a final comparison, let's look at the four basic rules of honesty in society.  1)  It's alright to avoid the truth if it spares the feelings of others.  Just remember not to tell anyone else your opinion.  2)  Lies are necessary sometimes.  Remember your story/ies.  Change as needed per person.  3)  It's perfectly alright to place blame to get yourself out of trouble.  Make sure you word is stronger than theirs or that they are weaker than you.  4)  Leave out when you don't need.  What they don't know can't hurt them.  Remember not to slip up later.
That's quite a bit to remember.  The only rule from a moral standpoint is to always be honest.  No ghosts to haunt you later.